Be Still My Heart

There are days in this life's journey, when we wonder what we are even doing here in the first place. When you have one of those weeks... you know the ones... the car breaks down, a kid gets sick, another needs a significant amount of money for some activity that you forgot was coming up, and on top of it... 2 of your major appliances decide they have overextended their usefulness, and give up the ghost. Yes, I have these weeks all too often. Those horrible times when it tests your best resolve. This was one of those months for me. Seems to have been never ending. One thing after another. No reprieve in sight.

I like to think that after my initial "freak out" and "over stressed" moments, that I handle adversity quite well. My family and friends may have a different opinion on that particular point. Regardless, I still think that once I have had a chance to wrap my head around a situation, envision the outcome in my mind, I can readily find a solution.

This past week has been my "meltdown week". I say melt down as that is what my little guy has when he feels overwhelmed and cannot find a way to cope on his own. Unfortunately... we both had trouble this week. Tests and trials one after another kept filling my days. I don't know how I got through it. But somehow I came out the other end of my week with it all under control and issues resolved by the end of the day on friday.

On saturday I received an interesting package in the mail. It was a wonderfully written letter with sheet music and recording of the sheet music. The letter lifted my spirits as I read... "I have observed many great ladies. They with their wisdom, dignity, and presence are a great blessing to all around them. Their influence is quiet yet powerful. I have sensed that in you. Thank you for what you are."

I was awe struck. Me? This was talking about me? Although my idea of who I am, vastly differs, it was still very uplifting to hear from someone that they see this kind of wonderful in me. Large ideas to live up to, but perhaps... this person has seen in me those brief glimmers of someone who is 'some kind of wonderful'

My saturday chugged along with much to get ready for church the following day. I knew it would be a good sunday. I did not have a lesson this week, and my daughter was doing a special part of the lesson for the women in our ward. She had been practicing all week to sing in front of all these people. I knew she was nervous. But also knew she would do well.

Sunday came and my sacrament meeting didnt quiet turn out as I had planned. A new lady with 3 very small children was visiting. Her two year old made her way to where we were sitting, and I scooped her up in my lap and kept her entertained throughout the services. One of the young men in front of us entertained the older boy, and mom sat across the isle holding the fussy baby. As the services came to an end, the children left with their mother. One of our elderly sisters made a point to come and tell me how she had observed me, and filled my ears with praises. I guess this is what was being spoken to me about in that letter. It kind of took me aback. Yet, was also an eye opening moment.

Near the end of our time at church, My daughter and 2 other young girls were to sing for the womens class at the end of their lesson. I took her to the room and stood quietly in a corner as she prepared for her musical rendition. As the melody came out of her small frame, my heart skipped, my breath caught, and it was as if the heavens opened and angels were singing. The other girls sang well too, but it was my daughter who hit the high notes, pulling at the strings of our hearts. Beautiful did not begin to describe the feeling in that room, as many women wiped at their eyes as tears welled.

Sometimes we are given tests in life, the ones that test our resolve and push us to the brink where we don't think we can handle another moment. And then, there is the reward... and it doesn't come from finding a hidden fortune or just a small reprieve of peace. It often shows itself in others... the real reason we are here. The people whose lives I touch as they see me in service of others, the people who see greatness in me that I may not have noticed, and the simple joy I receive daily of being a mother. Bringing to life that special little girl of mine who touched a room full of ladies with her simple song.

Be still my heart... Life is good.

Letting Go

In my arms, I held you close. I never thought I would have to let go---
Yet the days passed by so quickly, and you were leaving.

It felt like yesterday, you smiled at me, spoke my name, melted my heart---
I never thought the day would come that you would depart, but here it is.

We once walked together, holding hands, embracing, sweet kisses, all irreplaceable---
I never thought those days would come to an end, but they have.

We lived life with eyes wide, full of wonderment, each day another surprise---
I never knew it would hurt so bad to lose you, but it does.

I can only look back on the days gone by, all memories now---
I hold them close never letting go, will you too? I can only hope.

Spread your wings, experience life, new adventures await you---
I will watch from afar, as much as I want, I cannot journey with you.

My child you've grown, the years have flown by in a mere blink of the eye---
I'll miss you so as you venture out and experience life, my pride and joy.

Its my privilage to be your mother, the days I've spent all blessings as you grew---
I hope you know how much I Love you, with every fiber in my being, Always.

You will forever be my heart and soul---

You are my child---

Friendship

Friendship
Breathes new life
Into an old soul
Renews a wavering faith
Lends hope
To a broken heart
Reassures
That tomorrow has
Endless possibilities.

Friendship is
An understanding
Transcending the limits
The boundaries
The fears
Of life’s expectations.

Friendship
Brings truth
Without judgment
An understanding in love
With empathy
Never pity.

A place
Of unconditional love
Never faltering
Always a place
Of comfort
Feeling like home.

The Nag

Nag, Nag, Nag....
That's what he says to me
Unbeknownst to him
This is my destiny.

With the perils of the family
On my shoulders to rely
Responsibilities of home life
Is mine until I die.

Caring for the children
Cook and clean all day
Budget the finances
All the bills to pay.

My days last not eight hours
But well into the night
Finding peace and quiet
Is an unending daily fight.

I balance life and family
Ease the burdens he would bare
His words cut through my heart
As he calls me nag without a care.

Predestined for this calling
He heaps his woes on me
But forbidden be that I shall vent
A nag is all he sees.

Not a wife seeking validation
who is stressed beyond compare
He calls me nag if I suggest
A worry or a care.

Just a world of constant duties
As I run this home and life
Putting others needs before her own
Is a dutiful Mom and wife.

It's not the husband or the father
That bares the sacrifice
Just the nagging matriarch
Who's soul will pay the price.

What thanks is given to her
For the tasks she undertakes?
The title of the nag of course
The descriptive that she hates.

Webster’s defines the word itself
As feelings of anxiety
An overworked horse is also a nag
Perhaps, after all --- a fitting deity.