It never ceases to amaze me , the twists and turns that becomes the new direction in my life. I know, in my heart of hearts, that each turn is a new adventure, each twist is a new learning opportunity, each task is an opprotunity is some form or another... be is something for myself, or something I am to be the instrument in which to extend the opportunity.
As of late, I have turned yet another corner. It began with me believing that this new obstacle was a teaching opportunity for me. Wow was I ever wrong there! What an eye opening experience these past 4 weeks have been as I have come to realize that my part in this new adventure is but a small one. Yes, there are teaching opprtunities for me, in that I was correct. But there are so many more learning opportunites that I am receiving. I have realized how very small minded I was in thinking this was solely about me and what I had to offer.
As my prodigal son returned home after 8 years, It is quite an upheaval in the homelife as each of us face new tests before us. We dont know this young man anymore. he is not the person we remember, and the boy we all knew and loved, is buried so deeply, and long since forgotten, that we wonder if there is anyway to draw him back out. Moreso, is it even possible 'he' still exisits in there? Is it possible to scrape away any of the anguish, dispair, and societal influence that have corrupted and encased the young boy I once held in my arms and hugged so tightly? There is that part of me who holds out hope that I can brak through walls, that I can scrape away old scars, that I can rescue the trapped boy inside.... but another part of me sees this man before me, and I relinquish that hope and wish for any small moments I can snag along the way.
My other children have been effected by this upheaval in our routines. My boys no longer know their brother. Sibling bonds are nonexisitent anymore. It is like having a distant family member visiting ... for a very long visit. The most interaction any of them have, is watching a sports program on TV in the evening. They still prefer what their lives were before their brother arrived. Sure, they include him... to an extent... but for the most part, that is even awkward since their lifestyles and choices are complete opposites. The two little ones go on about things as if he isnt there most of the time. The moments do occur when the littlest one is intruded upon by his oldest brother. Being autistic, and having his own special routines and items that can not be used by anyone else, it can be a big upheaval in his day when his brother is ignorant to the inner workings around the home to accomodate the youngest.
As I try to encourage, uplift, guide, and teach... I find my patience weak and thinning. As a mother I want the trasformation NOW... I want MY son back 'now'... not 'later'... and the idea of 'not at all', is a haunting possibility. My boys try to bring the Gospel to their brother, and give him hope of new and great things that his life can hold. Such missionaries they are, and such examples to me they have become. How was I to know that I would see before me, two strippling warriors armed at the ready. It is hard to look at them as my baby boys when they sit erect, with scriptures in hand, teaching.
I sure have my work cut out for me. That is for sure. As I learn, I work, I grow, I listen, I teach, and I observe... I am growing myself. I reach for that word of HOPE again, and pray that my prodigal son has his eyes opened and can see that I too am growing and changing with him. I grasp for any HOPE that his heart will be softened and he will let in the love of his family and WANT to have all that is good restored to him. It is already there for the taking, he just has to reach for it. Again... I lean towards HOPE that he will have the strength to take that step and grasp ahold of that which has been offered... that he will realize how much he needs and wants it for himself... never again wanting to let go.
I close this muddled rambling with a simple prayer of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the opportunities and many facets of growth that our entire family has been given. I ask but simply, that his hand will guide us, that the spirit with strengthen us, that his Love will fill us.
May we all pass this test, and come out all the better for having lived it.
Showing posts with label Life Depicted. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life Depicted. Show all posts
Monday, November 3, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Mom, A Gun, and the Fearless Watchdog
Alleah and Alex had just arrived home from school. I had hung up the phone with husband only 5 minutes before. He was out of town on business, but called to tell me he would be flying in and be home around 5pm tonight. I start going through backpacks and getting homework out, when from the corner of my eye I notice the dog staring at the house and not moving. He was perched by his tree a good 20 feet from the porch. Odd for him as he would rather be on the porch. With 3 large windows on the back wall, it is typically a game of hide and seek with him as I move window to window. Mimicing this typical play, I thought I would catch his attention; today...to no avail. Now I am curious as to what he is watching. It had to be something. This big 6 month old yellow lab puppy, big as a small horse, that barks at everything thinking it's someone or something there only for his amusement, laid motionless, ears cocked forward, on the porch this morning around 8 am, as 3 deeer walked quietly through the back yard. Never once did he move or make a sound. So now my curiousity is peaked. I saw no deer in sight, but I knew he had to be watching something. When I saw what it was, I wished I wasnt so curious!
Coming straight for the back door was a big black snake. I had never seen a snake this size before! It was a virtual python in my opinion! I screamed. Alleah ran upstairs afraid it would come inside and eat us. Alex just wanted to see it so he could say "Ewwwwww!!", and the dog... the good watch dog he is... sat and ... well... watched. I gather my courage, take a broom and sweep at it scaring it off the porch. Each swipe of the broom I am jumping back in the house and shutting the door. I am amazed at my courage to do even this! He slithers off the side of the deck. I go out now, thinking it is safe, and look around to see where it went, figuring it slithered off somewhere. Hopefully never to be seen again.I watch for my older boys getting home to let them know to stay out of the grass and walkup the middle of the drive, as we have a HUGE snake out in the yard somewhere. Both boys upon hearing this, ran for the house.
The dog had moved back to the porch now, and I begin telling the boys what transpired. As I am going on emphatically with my story, I notice the dog is...well...'watching' again. I say out loud... "that thing isnt back is it?" I proceed to walk window to window to see what had caught his attention. I see nothing. I open the door slowly incase it is out of my vision line off to one side or something, when lo and behold... there it was! NEXT TO THE DOOR!!!! I slammed the door, shaking and shivering from the heebie jeebies yet with hopes the slam would scare it away. To my dismay, it didn't. For the next 15 minutes I run around looking for a gun and ammunition. I put a chair next to the door to stand on (I am not standing on the ground for goodness sakes!) and then send the kids upstairs. Tanner goes out front to call the dog, so I dont shoot him should my aim be off or the snake should make a run for it... or would that be a slither for it? Anyway, I crack the door, stick the muzzle of my rifle out, take quick aim, close my eyes and squueze. BANG! I slam the door, catch my breath and then open it back up a crack to take a look. I hit it in the back. Its now writhing around and and is unable to slither away. I wait a second, it stills and I take aim again. BANG! A shot right through its head. Its dead. My children praise me like I am a big game hunter and jump for joy that the crisis is over. Mom killed the intruding reptile. The boys remarked at what a good shot I am in awe, not knowing my ability to shoot a gun.
I leave our intruder on the porch for my husband to see when he gets home. I wasnt about to touch it after all. That is a little too far out of my realm of heroics. The fearless watch dog is perched 20 feet away behind his tree once again, peeking out, and refuses to come back to the porch. I wonder if he is thinking "That crazy lady is going to shoot me if I get on her porch!". He didnt come back down until after my husband got home, measured, and then disposed of the snake. It was 4 feet 5 inches long with a good 2 inch body diameter. It was blackish gray, and was told was a rat snake. My husband explians to me the difference between the snake I shot and the venomous and agressive 'like version' that is also common in our area. I had to chuckle. If it is close enough for me to tell the difference, then it is too close for my comforts, and had better be dead.
I am hoping that I dont have many more run in's with any other snakes, and that his relatives don't plan on coming to pay their last respects. But just in case, I am off to buy more ammunition.
Coming straight for the back door was a big black snake. I had never seen a snake this size before! It was a virtual python in my opinion! I screamed. Alleah ran upstairs afraid it would come inside and eat us. Alex just wanted to see it so he could say "Ewwwwww!!", and the dog... the good watch dog he is... sat and ... well... watched. I gather my courage, take a broom and sweep at it scaring it off the porch. Each swipe of the broom I am jumping back in the house and shutting the door. I am amazed at my courage to do even this! He slithers off the side of the deck. I go out now, thinking it is safe, and look around to see where it went, figuring it slithered off somewhere. Hopefully never to be seen again.I watch for my older boys getting home to let them know to stay out of the grass and walkup the middle of the drive, as we have a HUGE snake out in the yard somewhere. Both boys upon hearing this, ran for the house.
The dog had moved back to the porch now, and I begin telling the boys what transpired. As I am going on emphatically with my story, I notice the dog is...well...'watching' again. I say out loud... "that thing isnt back is it?" I proceed to walk window to window to see what had caught his attention. I see nothing. I open the door slowly incase it is out of my vision line off to one side or something, when lo and behold... there it was! NEXT TO THE DOOR!!!! I slammed the door, shaking and shivering from the heebie jeebies yet with hopes the slam would scare it away. To my dismay, it didn't. For the next 15 minutes I run around looking for a gun and ammunition. I put a chair next to the door to stand on (I am not standing on the ground for goodness sakes!) and then send the kids upstairs. Tanner goes out front to call the dog, so I dont shoot him should my aim be off or the snake should make a run for it... or would that be a slither for it? Anyway, I crack the door, stick the muzzle of my rifle out, take quick aim, close my eyes and squueze. BANG! I slam the door, catch my breath and then open it back up a crack to take a look. I hit it in the back. Its now writhing around and and is unable to slither away. I wait a second, it stills and I take aim again. BANG! A shot right through its head. Its dead. My children praise me like I am a big game hunter and jump for joy that the crisis is over. Mom killed the intruding reptile. The boys remarked at what a good shot I am in awe, not knowing my ability to shoot a gun.
I leave our intruder on the porch for my husband to see when he gets home. I wasnt about to touch it after all. That is a little too far out of my realm of heroics. The fearless watch dog is perched 20 feet away behind his tree once again, peeking out, and refuses to come back to the porch. I wonder if he is thinking "That crazy lady is going to shoot me if I get on her porch!". He didnt come back down until after my husband got home, measured, and then disposed of the snake. It was 4 feet 5 inches long with a good 2 inch body diameter. It was blackish gray, and was told was a rat snake. My husband explians to me the difference between the snake I shot and the venomous and agressive 'like version' that is also common in our area. I had to chuckle. If it is close enough for me to tell the difference, then it is too close for my comforts, and had better be dead.
I am hoping that I dont have many more run in's with any other snakes, and that his relatives don't plan on coming to pay their last respects. But just in case, I am off to buy more ammunition.
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